Simple thoughts

 Yesterday afternoon we finally got some time to spend with our friends. We were all of us (and this is a great event, cause with children, school, parents and work, there's so much keeping us apart) and we enjoyed our time together so very much. Usually we talk a lot, saying all and nothing at the same time, alternating serious stuff with childish jokes. We've known each other for so long now, there's a deep connection between us, we all have come trough some very difficult paths, knowing that others would be there, no matter what. We are very different from each other, and maybe this is the secret of our long friendship, the respect we have for one another. We fight often, over our children, over the way we behave in some circumstances, over a football match, or the way we cook, but in the end we discover each single time, that we are very deeply in love with each other. I don't remember one single moment in my life, joyful or sad, when my friends weren't there for me. After spending the afternoon roasting and eating some chestnuts, we made dinner together. Our best time is the one spent in the kitchen, anyone of us knows the best way to cook something, but usually after a long discussion, what we eat is always good!

Yesterday evening, after dinner, we were sitting at the table, drinking coffee. The fire was on, the lights down, the talking was almost a whisper, and I looked around the table, looking at those faces I know so well, and I thanked God for this precious gift He gave to me, the lifelong friendship with these special persons, who are family to me.

 I've always liked Halloween, from a time when in my country nobody knew about this old tradition. I've read a lot about the true meaning of this celebration, the ancient spiritual knowledge that's behind the pumpkins and the candies. In my country it's just a matter of fashion now. I started to celebrate Halloween at home when my daughter was a little girl just to make her happy and to do something together, you know, the pumpkin with the light inside, the cookies and the candies, the home so different for a night with the candles and all the balloons with skeletons and vampires. She and her friends had a great fun putting on make-up and joking around. Now that she's grown up, she left me at home and she goes out with her friends to celebrate this night!!

Anyway, to anyone out there who's gonna to celebrate tonight.....

So, this is one of those day when I see all black. Maybe the weather, cold and foggy. Maybe the last month, not exactly the highlight of my life. Maybe all the things I wanna do, that keep piling up, and never down. I hate this sort of limbo I'm living in right now. Things seem to never settle down. I hate feeling this way, but I can't help it. To make things worse this morning a collegue had a car accident, she will be out of work for at least 5 months, and even if I can be worried about her, all I can thinks of right now, is the amount of work that will be on our shoulders. And I surely don't need to spend more time at work. I just whish I could sleep for a long time, then wake up and see what happened to my life in the meantime. But I can't, I have to stay right here, in a rough spot and do the best I can.

Tonight I'll finally start a new year of yoga lessons. It's my 7th year of this practice, and all I can say is that I found my dimension.  I started by chance, I was so depressed at that time cause I always had bad headaches and a sore back (certainly due to so many hours sitting at my desk). One lady I was in touch cause of my work was a yoga teacher, she suggested to give it a try. I agreed, and I was her most present student for three years. Then she moved away, not before finding me a new teacher, Silvana. I like her so very much. She's very sweet but also very demanding, she seems to know exactly what we can or can't do, what we need and when. And she never tried to switch our yoga lesson in a sort of mystic experience, we are occidental people, no attempts to make us ascetics, or her our guru. Every lesson is time I spend only for my own welfare, to give myself a break. The moment I understood I had achieved something, was when, during the practice, I was thinking about absolutely nothing, a blank happy moment. Only my breath was filling up my mind, his rhythm, and the beating of my heart. What a feeling!! In this world where we are costantly surrounded by sounds, a moment of peaceful, deep silence. These lessons are my battery recharge, I'm  more comfortable with my body and with who I am. I think I love myself more, cause I've learned to take in my good side as well as my bad one, my victories as well as my defeats, my ups and my downs, cause all this defines who I am. We are always running somewhere, it's good to have time to listen to our body, to know it better, to learn how wonderful we are, to finally understand how much we are precious, everyone of us.

This morning I brought my father to the hospital. Nothing too bad, something to fix about his teeth. But every ordinary thing with him is a challenge, cause my father has Alzheimer. There are lots of illnesses in this word, too many, some with strange names, some unknown to the majority of people, some so loaded you don't even realize it's there. But believe me, this one is the worst that can plague someone you love.

My father used to be a very present dad and husband, always there when and where he was needed. Strict and severe, but he knew how to be the loviest daddy in the world, too. He helped us all in any way he could. I was back at work just two months after giving birth to my daughter, I left her with him and mom, and I can't think of a better grand-father for her, caring, loving and very watchful.

Now he even doesn't know who she is, or me, or mom. He lives in a world of his own, full of strangers, of dangerous things, of disturbing noises, and too bright colours. Everyday tasks are so difficult for him. Eat, sleep, get dressed, getting used to diapers like a baby, are titanic experiences. And he doesn't understand the meaning of one single word you tell him.

But his eyes are still there, blue as always, wide open on me, asking for something I don't have an answer for. And sweeter than ever.

The Sound of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools" said I,"You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, The words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisper'd in the sounds of silence.

Well, from last monday I'm home with a mild flu (running nose, bad cough and all the rest). I can't say I'm happy to be ill, but this thing has its positive angles. First of all I have my home all by myself, and it doesn't happen too often. I can read, listen to my fav music, I had also a little yoga since I skipped my lesson this week. And I have the pc available when I feel like it! And I can endure my insane passion without someone telling me how crazy I'm, that is, watching all my Brad Pitt movies all alone!!

Yes, sometimes it's good to be ill, home sweet home.

  It's raining now for two days, and I'm already tired of it!! I like fall season very much, but not when it's raining and I have to go to work by bus. Lots of people trying very hard to kill you with their umbrellas, the least that can happens is you loosing one eye. And the cars, not caring at all about you on the sidewalk, leaving you as wet as after a bath!! And all those lovely dogs, shaking their furs just near you.

All you want is just rest on a comfortable armchair, before a fire, drinking a hot chocolate and reading a good book.....

 Just open the door to the list of things I cherish the most (this time too, not strictly in order of preference.....Well, apart the first one...)

1- My daughter's smile

2- My photo albums

3- My books

4- My wedding ring

5- My collection of Brad Pitt movies

6- All the letters friends and family members have written to me over the years

7- The copies I made of all the letters I wrote to friends and family members over the years

8- My memory box, full of non-sense things (but they mean a lot to me)

9- The souvenirs from my vacations

10- A little teddy-bear from when I was very little, now on my daughter's bed.