Simple thoughts

I know, there's plenty of time before Christmas, but the feeling is already here. My town is full already of Christmas trees in some places (the bigger one in the main square), lights all over the streets, and shop windows are full of Christmas decorations.

 I'm already in the rush for buying things and thinking  about  Xmas' eve dinner menu. We have some traditions to oblige, so for dinner no bigger surprises. And I want to buy new decorations for my tree and my home. But I have clear ideas about that.

Talking about presents is totally another matter!! Usually I made a list in advance of all the people I have to remember at this time of the year. Some are friends, obviously entitled to have presents, some are people I own something, and this is the perfect occasion to show my obligation.

I like very much to give presents (much more than receiving them) and I really want them to be appreciated. I think very careful about the person who's gonna to receive it, and usually I don't get it wrong. But every year it's a challenge, nevertheless.

My husband has already been taken care of, so are four of my friends, and two of my online friends as well. I have four friends left, and mom and my mother-in-law. Plus, five children (but for them it's much easier to find something). I had two postcards sent today (they have to go a long way), two more to send.  And working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I don't have so much time for shopping, but having ideas it's half the work done!!

And then there's naturally my daughter, I made a subscription for a magazine she likes, about architecture and design, but I don't know what else buy for her. It's not really a problem, cause usually she askes me!! But I like having a lot of wrapped presents under the trees, so maybe I can buy little things (earrings, books, bath salt, things like this) to put there for her.

First snow of the year today....very cold and windy.

Winter is officially here

24th November 1991, Freddie Mercury died. His body left us, but his soul and his music never will.

Who wants to live forever

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
from us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?

There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?
When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today

Who waits forever anyway?

  Well, I always thought one day I would be in the States during Thanksgiving just to feel the true meaning of this celebration. And to eat a real stuffed turkey!!

But thinking again, it's not really necessary to be in the States to thank for what I have in my life.

I have a wonderful daughter, healthy, intelligent and kind. I have a very nice man as my husband, down to earth, smart and caring. I have the love of my parents, always had. I have a bunch of very close friends, always present in my life. I have a job that allows me to have a home, and to save some money for the future. I'm healthy and positive about life.

I have much more than a lot of people in the world. Usually you think about all the things you wanna have, you're never satisfied of what you have right now. But I guess everyday should be a thanksgiving day, every night, going to sleep, you should thank for what you've got in your life.

Anyway, for the ones who celebrate this day around the world....... 

Yes, your life can suddenly change in a moment, and exactly when you was thinking that everything is ok.

Yesterday evening I went to a rosary, a Mass for the husband of an old classmate. He had a stroke the other night, he practically died in her arms. Last night she was completely deranged, dismayed, I don't think she was even feeling the pain yet, coz it was all so abrupt, she has yet to realize what really happened.

And when a thing like this happens, at 43, what remains in your life? All the dreams, the projects, the whishes? What happens to all the things you kept adjourning to tomorrow? What, if tomorrow never comes?

  We graduated in 1980, and after a very big party at the end of our diploma exams, we promised to keep in touch. But life goes on so differently for each one of us, and this remained only a promise. Plus, a few of us got married very soon, and with a family, things take a different road. Of course some of us kept in touch, and beside the ones who moved in other cities, we knew (more or less) what was going on in other's lives. In 2000 (20 years after our graduation) someone called, hoping for a reunion, but nothing came out if it.

But in 2003, we had a very sad awakening. In january one of our schoolmate died of cancer. Nobody knew she was so badly ill, we got all together at the funeral, and for the first time we felt guilty for not keeping our promise. On her grave we sweared not to let time goes by. This time we kept the oath. From that moment on, we reunite twice a year, and the most incredible thing is, it's like all these years never gone by. The first time we met again, we were all afraid not to be comfortable with each other as we were so many years ago. But after the kisses and the hugs, we found the old feelings still there, and so were all the memories. Some brought old pics, old school stuff and we all laughed about it, going back in time when we were twenty, joyful and without a problem in the world. One time, we called also our old teachers, five of them obliged, and we recalled good old times all together!

This time it's up to me to make arrangements for the next reunion. I sent some e-mails, made some phone calls, we are ready to meet again for lunch and for sharing good moments. After a visit to the cemetery of course, we don't forget to whom we own such precious times.

 Tomorrow,  hubby and I will bring her and two friends to Bologna (about 90 km from home) to the Coldplay concert. She's very excited coz it's her first real concert, and she likes them very much. I guess the time when she was so excited about a new Barbie doll, is totally over. I know she's not my little baby anymore, but still, I'm stunned how fast time goes by. It seems yesterday to me, when I woke up hubby one saturday morning at 6.30am telling him he was going to be a daddy, but next february she will be 18! There are times when she really gets on my nerves, but I know I'm lucky enough to have a daughter like her. She doesn't drink (but I suspect she smokes a little sometimes), she doesn't care about clothes' brands, she doesn't go out too much, she's very good at school, she love herself enough not to pierce her body in weird places. The day when she finally will leave her little nest at home is approaching very fast, and I'm ready.....well, more or less......I know that it's just fair, it's just as life has to be, but I will be very sad and worried. I only hope she will be able to face the world outside, that me and her dad have provided her with enough strenght and resources to stand on her own feet, knowing that her mom will be always here when and if she would need her. I can't imagine my life without her, I can't even remember what my life was like before she came into it. Some loves in life come and go, this one I feel for her is so strong and breathless, sometime is like a punch in the stomach. I can't stand the thought that something bad could happen to her, but I know that I can't save her from the sorrow and pain everyone has to experience in life. I can't keep her under my wrap all her life, even if I whish I could.

Here's a very beautiful poem about our children....from The Prophet by Gibran.....

AND a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.

And he said:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.

They come through you but not from
you,
And though they are with you yet they
belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not
your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not
their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-
morrow, which you cannot visit, not even
in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek
not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries
with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path
of the infinite, and He bends you with His
might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand
be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

 I was just thinking......I'm working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Saturdays are spent usually shopping for grocery in general, or for house stuff, cleaning the house, washing and ironing. Each time I'm off work, it's because I have school meetings, docs appointements, or I have to baby-sitting my dad.  And I don't list all the times my daughter needs a driver!! I'm sliding between duties as a mom, a wife, a worker, a daughter. I'm lucky enough to have time for my friends and for reading a book before sleeping at night.  I'm missing something along the way, a sunny day, a rainbow in the sky, a smile on a child face. Is this life?

I'd live very much to get in touch with people around the world, so if you want just e.mail me. I like to talk about books, travels, cooking and life in general.

  freegracie61@yahoo.com

I'm here all alone tonight. My family is out, no tv, no radio. All around me there's silence. My web friend is not online. So my mind started a journey, back in time when I was a little girl, in the country, at my grand-parents home. I've spent there a lot of time, during school vacations and long week-ends. There were two of my mom siblings not yet married, and considering there are so few years between us, we had lots of fun all together. Usually I slept with my aunt, well, more talk than sleep actually. Before going to bed, we made a raid to get some apples to eat in bed while talking and reading. My grand-mother yelled at us in the morning coz we left a real mess in the bedroom! When my aunt was not there I slept with my uncle, he was really a master in telling bed stories. He had a fianceé back then (now his wife) and the nights he was out with her, I waited for him seated on the top of the stairs. More than often he found me asleep, so he had to pick me up to bed.

During the grape harvest, it was really a treat. All the children running among the vines eating grapes and annoying the adults who were working. And the tamping (back then in wooden vats with feet) was just an excuse to get dirty without being blamed. And at Christmas time, all the family at the same table, waiting for after Mass, when we opened our gifts. There was a very big Christmas tree outside, so full of made-at-home decorations, the best as I can remember, each one made by one of us.

I'm very sad my daughter can't have such memories. I really think she's loosing something very precious. Looking back I know I was surrounded by so much love, I know I've been so lucky to have it.

Home is where your heart is and I know where to find mine.